Umm I'm too high to move.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
