so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
