hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
