Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
