mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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