She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
