The maid of honor just puked.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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