Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
