I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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