plz talk dirty to me
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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