Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
