dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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