is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize