dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
