I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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