I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
