I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
