omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Randomize
