I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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