we're blogging at a bar
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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