I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
