if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I wear drunk well.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize