My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
