her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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