the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
