she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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