Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
