i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
