Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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