It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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