Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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