she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My life is pants optional.
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