i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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