um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
