Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
