How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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