All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
