I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize