and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
