is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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