i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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