just come out here and I will go home with you...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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