she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
