Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
