Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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