you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
