Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize