I can tuck mytits in my pants
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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