1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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