see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize