If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
