my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
