i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
