Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
