my mouth tastes like poor choices
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
