yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
