my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Someone came in the potted fern
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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