tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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