You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
