I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
