the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
