happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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