THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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