my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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