So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
