Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
