Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
