so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
