I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Actions speak louder than pants.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
