the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
you will always have a special place in my vag
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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