The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
