Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
