I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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