this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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