I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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